The new year doesn’t only come with new goals and new resolutions. It also brings about new issues and new pressures. With the turn of the year, we are coming from wedding season, engagement season and the season where family all comes together to ask you why you aren’t married yet. So now your secret new year’s resolution is to get married and at this point you’ll say yes to anything even if the question requires a no. Here are some of the reasons why you shouldn’t compromise:
- You don’t know exactly what you are looking for
Do you want marriage or a wedding? Why would you like to get married? Because everyone around you is doing it isn’t an adequate answer. Getting honest about why you’d like to get married will put things into perspective. It will reveal the underlying issues that are undealt with that are giving you matrimonial anxiety. For example, if you wanna get married because you don’t want to be alone, maybe you need to be alone, face your fears, become whole and only then can you consider marriage.
- You are too confused between two people
People that have been hurt before usually have trust issues that make it problematic for them to commit fully to one person. They could meet a potential spouse that is ready to jump the broom with them but they left their heart in a previous relationship that will never work out. We are too old to be wasting each other’s time. If you are torn between two places please recluse yourself from both, work on yourself and be in a relationship that you are dead sure you wanna be in.
- You think that nobody is perfect
This is the absolute truth! You are woke, stay woke. Nobody is perfect but there are levels to this imperfection thing and you need the level that you can endure. The brokenness that you can handle. For example, I cannot handle being with someone that doesn’t love themselves. It’s a flaw that I cannot stand for because I can’t help someone to love who they are. It’s up to them. I can handle a workaholic because I’m not too much admin. I love very well without supervision. Find a flaw that you can work with and start from there.
- You have nothing in common
Square hole, round plug but you insist on tying the knot? I think not. You are settling and you don’t have to. Wait it out until you find someone that you have things in common with. I get that learning a human and their interests is exciting but not from scratch. Having common interests will help you to bond and spending time together won’t be a chore. Imagine coming home to someone that you have no common interests with for the rest of your life. Hell on earth for real. Having things in common such as values will minimise friction and conflict.
- You just wanna silence the elders
The elders will not be there once you have married the wrong person. You’ll be alone in your matrimonial home and when you leave the elders will send you right back. Sometimes family doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Parents have pride that they’d like to protect. Some family members stand to gain a lot from the bride price and sometimes the reason is as petty as the females wanting to wear their big hats at your wedding. If your health and happiness were a priority, they wouldn’t put you under pressure like that.
Don’t be afraid of what you want. Articulate it, mean it and don’t settle for less than you deserve just because you feel like you’re under pressure.